


Do It All In The Name Of Love

by ThePineScentedAir



Series: Say You Will [10]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec talking to cats, Angst, Communication, Conflict Resolution, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Idiots in Love, M/M, Talking, Working through feelings, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 18:25:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13195962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePineScentedAir/pseuds/ThePineScentedAir
Summary: “I don’t get it,” Alec says. He’s looking at Magnus with wonder.“What’s not to get?” Magnus keeps smiling at the cat.“Well, you care so much for them even if they don’t stick around for long.”Magnus looks at him. “And?”Alec shakes his head. “And, even if they do stick around, their average lifespan is so short.”Magnus frowns. “So I shouldn’t love them because they don’t live as long as I do?”---Or, after Alec goes outside to clear his head, one of Magnus's cats decides his lap is the perfect place to take a nap.Or, Alec thinks too much. And worries too much. But then they talk about it and come out stronger on the other side.





	Do It All In The Name Of Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to part...uh...ten? Damn, I never thought I would get this far into my series but these boys have so much to think about. This is part of a series and makes references to other sections, but you'll be able to grasp the gist of it if you like to read this one first. 
> 
> I adopted a cat last night and this is what resulted. Inspiration happens everywhere, right?
> 
> Title from "In the name of love" by Martin Garrix. All mistakes are my own.

“I just came up here for some fresh air,” Alec testily explains to the orange tabby that’s curled up in his lap. The cat just rolls onto its back and fixes him with an amused look. “Don’t look at me like that. My arm’s falling asleep.”

The cat snuggles closer to the crook of his arm. Alec sighs but continues to pet it with his other hand.

He just came up to clear his head. The second he sat down, one of Magnus’s many strays jumped into his lap and curled up against his stomach. Even though Alec has never had a pet or really had an opportunity to be around one, he intuitively knows that if an animal has chosen you for a stool you stay until it gets up (that, and it meowed angrily at him when he tried to stand and sank its claws into his leg. He decided to stay put after that).

Except that was an hour ago. And he really needs to pee.

He’s told this to the cat three times but it doesn’t seem to care. It just gives him the same look and shifts closer to him.

Ten minutes into the hour, Alec started to talk to the cat (since it was there and he needed to think about things). “What do I do?” The tabby looked up at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to clarify. “Well, since you’re here I might as well talk to you, right?

“It’s just that Magnus and I have been together for a year and I love him.” He looks down at the tabby. “Like, with all of my heart, love him. Just to clarify. Because he’s the most important person in my life.”

The cat nods (or he think it nods).

“But he’s going to live longer than I am. So much longer.” Alec’s eyebrows furrow. “I never want to hurt Magnus, but if we stay together I’m going to hurt him one day. It’s inevitable. The day I die, I’ll hurt him.”

Alec shakes his head to clear the tears starting to well up in his eyes. “How can I do that to him? How can I keep loving him and let him love me when we both know how this ends? I hate thinking about this but—“ He cuts off in a huff and the cat mirrors his sigh. “I know this isn’t the first time I’ve been thinking about this. I don’t know why I’m even thinking about it now.”

 _Maybe because you’re thinking about a real future with him, dummy_ , Isabelle’s voice chides in the back of his mind.

 _Maybe because you looooove him_ , Jace’s voice helpfully adds. Alec rolls his eyes and runs a hand down his face, frustrated.

“I just don’t understand why he’s still with me, I guess!” he loudly tells the cat. “Why bother with me now when it’s just going to break him in the end?”

The tabby paws at his hand and Alec sighs, beginning to rub its belly. “Why am I even talking to you? You’re just a cat.” He feels claws on his skin and hisses. The cat just looks up at him. “Do you understand me?” He waits but there’s no response. “Of course not, you’re a cat.” Alec shakes his head. “I’m going crazy.”

He’s quiet for a while after that, just waiting for the cat to get bored of him and to get up. When that doesn’t happen, he turns to pleading and, inevitably, begging the cat to move.

After an hour he’s just about given up hope when he hears the front door of the apartment open. “Magnus!” he calls. “Magnus, I’m up here!”

The cat opens one eye to glare at him. “I will yell at my boyfriend for help if I want to,” Alec tells it indignantly. He hears Magnus’s footsteps on the stairs and looks towards the door. “Thank _God_ you’re finally here,” he says dramatically when Magnus appears.

Magnus chuckles and steps out onto the roof, walking over to Alec to kiss him gently. “Enjoying the fresh air?” he asks when he pulls back.

Alec rolls his eyes and glares down at the cat. “It cornered me.”

Magnus laughs again and sits down next to Alec. “Hello my precious Mirabella.” He reaches out to pet the cat and she starts to purr in Alec’s lap.

“I don’t get it,” Alec says. He’s looking at Magnus with wonder.

“What’s not to get?” Magnus keeps smiling at the cat.

“Well, you care so much for them even if they don’t stick around for long.”

Magnus looks at him. “And?”

Alec shakes his head. “And, even if they do stick around, their average lifespan is so short.”

Magnus frowns. “So I shouldn’t love them because they don’t live as long as I do?”

“That’s not what I said—“

“But it’s what you implied.” He looks offended and hurt.

Alec backtracks immediately. “I just don’t understand how you put so much love and effort into these cats when you’ll just be heartbroken in the end.”

Magnus looks over at him and understanding hits. “Do you think you’re like one of these cats?” His voice is quiet and gentle.

Alec pauses for a second, and then he smiles down at the tabby. “It’s like you read my mind. One day you’re going to have to tell me how you do that.”

Magnus kisses his cheek. “It’s because I love you.” He nudges Mirabella’s leg. “Time to let Alexander up. Come on you stubborn thing, get a move on.” The cat closes her eyes, stretches, and rolls off his lap. She gracefully lands on her feet and trots off.

“Let’s go inside.” Magnus takes Alec’s hand.

“Before we talk do you mind if I run to the bathroom?” Alec asks when they’re back inside.

Magnus chuckles and nods. “Go right ahead.” He plops down on the couch to think while he waits.

He knows Alec has been thinking about his mortality since the beginning. Hell, he tried to end their relationship before it started because he was worried for Magnus. But he thought Alec was over this line of thinking.

Obviously, he was wrong. They probably should have been talking about this since the beginning.

In the bathroom, Alec finishes washing his hands and stares at his expression in the mirror. _We need to talk about this_ , he thinks, watches his eyebrows furrow, his lips form a hard line. _We need to talk about this, and then we need to decide where to go. There are only two choices: we continue, knowing how it will end, or we stop this now and cut our losses._

He watches his face grow harder, more resigned. He watches as his face in the mirror puts up his walls. And then, he sighs and watches those walls crumble. Whatever happens during this conversation, he knows those walls won’t matter anymore. Magnus broke through them at the very beginning, the last time Alec tried to protect him.

Alec runs his hand through his hair and steps out of the bathroom. He hovers by the door to the living room until Magnus looks up and smiles at him. “Hey,” he says.

“Hey back,” Magnus replies. He tilts his head and beckons Alec over. Alec goes willingly. “Now,” Magnus begins, taking Alec’s hand in both of his, “talk to me.”

“Doesn’t it hurt when they leave or when they die?”

“The cats, you mean?” Alec nods. “Of course it hurts.” He looks at Alec incredulously. “Does that mean I should stop caring for them?”

Alec shrugs. “If you didn’t care for them so much it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

Magnus nods slowly. “True.” He draws the word out. “But I would never be happy holding them. If I put a wall between my feelings and them, I would never feel as content as I am to just sit and talk to them.”

Alec still looks as if he’s not wholly convinced so Magnus tries another approach. “Shadowhunters die in battle all the time, right?” he says carefully.

“Yes?”

“But you don’t let that stop you from loving your family. You don’t let it stop you from building relationships with the people around you.”

“Sure, but they live longer than cats do. I just…” he sighs.

“What is it?” Magnus squeezes his hand.

“My lifespan to you must be like a cat’s lifespan to me. Fleeting. And then gone and all you’re left with is memories.” He can feel his heart breaking.

“Yes, it hurts. But I would have rather loved someone and lost them than to have ever cut myself off from that love. Alexander, when you get as old as I am, you learn that life doesn’t have much to offer. The people make the same mistakes generation after generation and the only thing that really makes it worth it is love.” He pauses and tilts his head in acquiescence. “Well, and short of that, frequent, mindless sex.”

Alec chuckles. “One track mind.”

Magnus leans over and kisses him. “That’s a bit unfair, don’t you think? It’s two tracks, at least.”

Alec nods, but his expression has sobered again. “So this is worth it to you?”

Magnus’s heart breaks again. “Alexander, every second of every day that I get to see you and share moments with you is a gift. I love you with all of my heart. It doesn’t make a difference that you’re a Shadowhunter and I’m immortal. I’m not going to stop loving you just because you’ll be gone one day.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Alec says brokenly, tears in his eyes.

“Oh, Alexander.” Magnus pulls him into his arms and leans back until they’re reclining on the couch, chest to back. He strokes his hand through Alec’s hair. “Hurt is an inevitability. It’s the love you’ve shared that makes it bearable.”

Alec grips Magnus’s arms where they’re crossed over his chest. He’s quiet for a while, just sitting in the moment with Magnus. “Penny for your thoughts?” Magnus finally asks, the silence killing him slowly.

“I love you.” Alec pauses and Magnus kisses his cheek and repeats the words back. “I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. But I also know that if we end this now it won’t save either of us any pain in the long run.” He kisses the back of Magnus’s hand. “I just want to make sure that you’re up to it, considering it’s more probable that you’ll outlive me than that I’ll outlive you.”

Magnus squeezes him closer. “You make me happier than I’ve been in a century. If you want this to end then we can end it. But I don’t want that.”

Alec turns in his arms. “What do you want?”

It sounds like a loaded question. Magnus lifts his hand and brushes it across the planes of Alec’s face. “I want you. I want us. I want late nights and early mornings. I want us to be a family.” He cups Alec’s cheek. “I want to love you until the world ends, Alexander. Or at least until you and I can’t stand to live with each other anymore.” He cracks a smile.

Alec returns it. “I think I can do that.”

Magnus’s smile widens. “Good.” He kisses Alec. “Should I tell you what I want right now?” His smile turns devilish.

Alec warily looks at him. “Do I want to know?”

Magnus considers, tracing Alec’s face with his fingers again. “You tell me.” He waits for Alec to nod before continuing. “I want to take you into our bedroom and pin you down on the bed. I want to take off your clothes slowly and I want to kiss every inch of your body until you squirm.”

Alec’s eyelids slide shut and a shudder runs down his spine.

“I want to lick you open and I want to make love to you slowly. I want to pin your arms to the bed and I want you to wrap your legs around my waist and I want to come when you do.”

Alec licks his lips.

“And then I want to look at you. I want to watch you come down from your orgasm and I want to work you back up to another one. I want to watch you fall asleep in my arms, sated and happy. And I want to wake up to you and your grumpy face when the sun falls into your eyes and pulls you out of a good dream too soon.” They smile at each other.

“And I want to make love to you again in the morning. I want us both to be tired and sore so that all we have the energy to do is stay in bed all day.” He waits for Alec to open his eyes. “What do you want?”

Alec leans in and kisses him deeply. “That. All of that. Let’s do that,” he replies breathlessly.

Magnus nods and pulls him closer, kisses him deeper, pushes him off the couch and guides him to their bedroom. And they do just that.

In the morning, after Magnus has followed through with his desires and they’re both sated and tired, Alec looks over at Magnus. He looks over at Magnus with a smile on his face and love in his eyes and thinks: _I’m going to propose to this man one day_.

Then Magnus looks over at him with a blinding smile and Alec knows it’ll happen soon. He knows all of these things he’s been feeling, all of the selfishness and worry over the future, have stemmed from what he wants to do. And he knows that he’ll propose sooner rather than later, now that he knows Magnus is all-in.

For now, though, he contends himself with rolling over and (“Stop, Alexander, you’re crushing me!”) playfully blanketing Magnus’s body with his. Magnus’s laughter quiets and they stay in bed all day, wrapped in each other’s arms, basking in the love they share.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come say hi on [tumblr](http://thepinescentedair.tumblr.com/)


End file.
